Happy New Year!

It's been a long time since I blogged, I know, but I'm pretty sure no one really reads this anyway, so I'm sure I really haven't been missed. Unless I'm wrong. If so, I apologize for my absence.

I'm just doing what probably everybody else is doing today. No, not trying to fish bare handed. That's later. I mean reflecting on 2010 and either they're excited for 2011 or are feeling uninspired because you'd think by now we'd have hover cars, so what's the point?

This year has been extremely crazy and my life has gone through so many changes. At this time last year I was getting ready to go to a party at my brother in-law's apartment. I had hope for 2010 being a sweet year because why wouldn't it be? I was married and life was pretty good. We had a scary holiday season that year because shortly before Thanksgiving Chris was let go from the waterpark and we were terrified we were going to lose the house. Thankfully, he found a job two weeks later and we were fine. Still shaken up, but fine. Anyway, we were looking forward to 2010 and knew it was going to be great. My birthday followed shortly after (as it usually does) and life continued (as it usually does). February rolled around and Chris asked me for a divorce. I felt blindsided and didn't know what to do. We decided to go into counseling and everything was gong to be fine. In April, I went to the Beachbody Coach Summit and my life changed. Not because of what was being said at the Summit, but because I was in LA and I fell in love with it. I went home, but not completely. As cheesy as it sounds, my heart was left in LA. Anyway, things at home weren't going well. Chris and I filed for divorce and it was finalized in July. In August I took a vacation to LA just to make sure moving here was what I really wanted, and it definitely was. I moved here on Sept. 7th. It was one of the best days of my life.

Tonight I'll be at Knott's Berry Farm on a date. I keep thinking to this time last year and I was at a party with my husband. Now I'll be ringing in the New Year with a different man in a different town on the opposite side of the country. I want to say I have mixed feelings about it, but I don't. I'm happy. Just happy.

2010 was a roller coaster of a year. I'm very grateful for it because I learned a lot and have grown so much as a person. I'm really looking forward to the changes that 2011 will bring. I'm sure it will be great!

Life Lesson

In light of me being a grown up in my last blog and sharing that wisdom with all of you, I thought I’d continue that trend. While this has nothing to do with fitness, dance, or creepy guys, it’ll be a nice change of pace.

I’ve gotten a lot of time to reflect on things lately. I’ve had a very trying year and I have a feeling that next year is going to rock, but I digress. It’s been a very emotional time in my life and I’m very thankful for it. I’ve learned a lot from it. My biggest lesson has been about acceptance. That’s what I’m writing about today. I’m not strictly talking about divorce, but accepting myself for who I really am, and accepting others for who they are. Being completely OK with whatever it is you’ve had to accept is probably the hardest part. You can accept that there isn’t any more plain non-fat yogurt in the fridge when you just bought some because your gay roommate that took you in while you were getting a divorce thought it was his so he ate all of it, but that doesn’t mean you have to like it. Bad example, but it happens…

Life changes. Everything changes and you can either go with the flow or try to fight it and exhaust yourself in the process. I thought my life was going to be one way, my ex decided it was going to be another. Believe me, I fought it. I didn’t know if I could live without him. I thought he was my world and my reason for getting up every day. I realized he wasn’t. I was the reason I got up every day. I was the source of my strength. No one else. Me. It isn’t easy to have to change your entire life’s plan in a short amount of time. I had to accept it. My life was changing and there was nothing I could really do about it. Sure I could’ve moped and been depressed, but that would do me absolutely no service, so I did the only thing I could do. I had to pick myself up and go on with my life. Nobody could do it for me. I had to rely on myself. I read a great quote the other day, and it rang so true that it shook me to the core: “You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.” It’s so true. A few months ago I didn’t think I was going to be able to move on. Not because I didn’t want to be alone, but because of fear. I was terrified of starting over again. It would’ve been so much easier if I stayed with him and been unhappy. It was comfortable. It was what I had known for four years. If I wasn’t a strong person I wouldn’t be where I am now. I feel more empowered and happy than I ever have in my entire life. Feeling empowered and happy in California doesn’t hurt either! When you accept change, you can do anything. No one can take that strength from you and that is an empowering feeling.

I don’t hide my history of eating disorders. I also don’t hide my crippling body dysmorphic disorder or low self esteem. I have never found myself to be an attractive person. I would also wait for others to tell me I was pretty or that I looked nice (don’t get me wrong, it’s still really nice to hear!), but I realized I had to tell myself those things. I was afraid it would make me vain to say it, but it doesn’t. It means I’m trying to get a healthy mind frame going. I’d rather appear a little vain than not be able to leave my apartment for three days because I didn’t want people to see me because I felt “too fat” or “too ugly” to be out in public. I’ve accepted my body for what it is. I may not be 100% happy with it, but I’ve made a lot of progress. There are things that I would change if I could and I still don’t see myself for what I probably actually look like, but I’m working on it. It’ll always be a work in progress. One day I hope I see myself how everybody else does. That would be nice. Back to the accepting, I’ve always been a fan of my personality. There are flaws, but even then I think they’re pretty kick ass flaws. Not everybody is a fan of it, but I really don’t care anymore. I’ve never really cared what people thought about me, but now I’ve moved on to a whole other level from “I don’t care” to “I don’t give a shit. What are you gonna do about it?” I like my quirky personality and I’m not wasting my time with people that don’t. I’m me and if you don’t like it, suck it. I’m in a very good place mentally with my body image and with who I really am, and it’s one of the best feelings ever.

Accepting other people for who they are is probably the hardest thing to do. We all have those people in our lives that we wish would realize that they’re either a douchebag and fix it, naïve, cocky, mopey, too cheerful, whatever, but they are who they are. Just like you have to accept your own flaws, you have to accept other’s. Even if someone has done something absolutely horrendous to you, it’s who they are and there is nothing you can do to change it. Instead of being angry, try forgiving them instead. It’s much more healthy to be graceful than an angry bitter person. Accept it and let it go. Catch and release. Or as the wise Jay-Z once said “Get that dirt off your shoulder.” I’ve had to accept that I thought people who were my friends, actually aren’t. They’ve chosen to side with my ex, and as painful as it is I’ve had to let them go. Don’t get me wrong, it hasn’t happened overnight and it didn’t happen without a lot of tears and frustration, but I’m not putting up with being hurt anymore. I’m choosing all of my new friends in my new life very carefully. So far, I’ve found some amazing people and I am thankful for them every day. They have no idea how much they mean to me, and I wouldn’t even know how to begin to express it. Life is so much better when you have positive people around you!

I really hope someone can take something from this. Even if it’s only a little tidbit of information, I really hope this helps.

Taking A Break

For those of you who don't know every detail of my life (what's your problem? Get with the times!), I've had a hip injury for over a year. I have iliopsoas tendonitis in my right hip and it just won't heal. Granted, I haven't really been doing myself any favors because when I was teaching six hours a day I had to be in turnout, which is the cause of the overuse injury to begin with. Then in the morning I would either be doing P90X or Insanity. Now that I’m not in turnout six hours a day I’ve decided to try to heal this hip injury. I’m now only working out on days where I haven’t had any hip pain for 24 hours. It’s been really tough because I feel like a worthless blob, but I know fitness will be there when/if this injury ever heals itself. Call it maturity, common sense, laziness, whatever, I’m trying to be smart about this injury. Why over a year later? I guess I’m tired of being in pain almost all the time. I also would like to continue to dance and don’t want my career to be over at the age of 26 because I was being stupid.

I’m asking you, my friends, to hold me to this and if you catch me doing something when I say my hip hurts, bring the hammer down. I may kick and scream, but, remind me that I’m trying to be a grown up and be smart about this injury.

For anyone else who has a chronic injury, I urge you all to do the same. I know it’s more macho or whatever to work through the pain and you don’t want to stop working out, but your body will thank you if you listen to it and let it heal before you continue to barrage it with Insanity or something else that it really doesn’t feel like handling at the moment. The workouts will be there once you’ve healed.

I feel like a grown up now! Gross……

Now I'm going to be off because The Coffee Bean is being taken over my teenagers. Damn kids with your rock and roll music, Zimas, hula hoops, and Pacman....Get outta my yard! I guess I am old....

The Wall

I'm having an atrocious day, so I thought I'd cheer myself up by sharing what is probably my favorite, and most disturbing, Snap Fitness story.

It was my first Saturday, and I had already taught my cardio class and I was fairly tired. I didn't get a chance to have any coffee, so I was running a little slower than normal. I started my shift as usual, plugging in the phone, starting the laundry, and gathering cleaning supplies so I could tackle the bathrooms. I clean the first two bathrooms without anything unusual happening. Could anything really out of the ordinary happen when you're cleaning a bathroom? I didn't think so. At first...Then I made my way into the third bathroom and everything was going fine until I pulled back the shower curtain and saw some weird substance on the wall. I get a little closer to inspect it and...yep....just as I had suspected....semen. Awesome...Now I'm fully awake. What happened next is kind of a blur because I was so grossed out. I may have gagged and/or dry heaved, I'm not sure. By the time I got my wits about me I instinctively ran to the phone to call my boss. This was the exchange:

Boss: Hi Laura. How are you?
Me: (still in shock) Not so good.
Boss: Why not?
Me: (hesitating) Well....I found some....stuff......on the wall of the shower.
Boss: What kind of stuff?
Me: Man.....stuff......
Boss: Man stuff?
Me: Semen. OK? Semen....
Boss: How did it get there?
Me: I think we both know how it got there.
Boss: Did you see who did it?
Me: No?
Boss: I was hoping you knew so I could terminate their membership.
Me: No clue. Yeah, by the way, I'm not cleaning that up.
Boss: Well you can't just leave it on the wall.
Me: I don't get paid enough. No way. Have Jason or Matt do it when they come in...There's no way.
Boss: It can't be left there.
Me: But......it's......nasty.
Boss: I understand, but it needs to get cleaned up.
Me: (begrudgingly) Fine...

I put on two more pairs of gloves and went into the bathroom. I was gagging the entire time I was cleaning and I was thinking to myself "Who the HELL does this????" What you do in the shower is not my business, but when you leave the evidence behind, it becomes my business and that doesn't make me happy.

In conclusion, men, if you decide you can't wait until you get home for whatever reason, please don't leave it on the wall. Women will thank you.


Fin.

Well, hello, internet!

Don't get too excited. I'm sitting at The Coffee Bean and decided I'd update my blog because I apparently have nothing else to do. I really don't, so this seemed like a good way to pass the time.

So, I live in Cali now! That's pretty much the only news I have. It's pretty awesome! I have a sweet apartment and I can see the beach from my room. It's pretty much the most kick ass thing ever, well, besides David Hasselhoff's piano scarf that he wore when the Berlin wall came down. THAT was kick ass.

Even more exciting is that I've got the stand up bug again hardcore. For those of you who have me on Facebook, you've probably noticed because I don't really say anything about me anymore, it's all a bunch of silly jokes. I'm revamping my old act to make it current (i.e. divorced and not in Michigan), and I'm going to try to find somewhere to perform it. I'm pretty excited about it because it's been a few months since I last did my act and I miss it. I've got some great bits that I'm in the process of working out and they should be pretty funny. They are to me anyway. I'll keep everybody updated and if you've all been good, I may have someone record it and I'll post it on here.

Craziest. Week. Ever.

I'll depart from my Snap Fitness stories for today. It's been a really weird week and I need to process it. What better place to do that than on the internet? Right?


For those of you who don't know, I'm going to be moving to Hermosa Beach, CA. I'm leaving on Thursday so I've got a ton of last minute packing/getting my shit together/saying goodbyes to do, so things have been a little on the hectic side. I'll start from last Thursday, so I can include a reference to "The Ring" about "Seven days...."


Thursday, ("Seven days") was my last crazy ass 7 hour shift at Snap/going up to 1 On 1 in between staffed hours at Snap. (See how I snuck the reference in there? Clever! I'm awesome!) It was supposed to be my last time with my autistic client and I really didn't want to have to tell him it was the last time. I knew he was going to be upset. We've really bonded over the last couple of months. Anyway, I get my Snap business done and at 2 I left to go up to 1 On 1. I tell my client it's our last session and he immediately begins to cry and begs me to stay. I start to cry and was a hot mess all the way back to Snap where I had to try to hold it together until 7 when my shift was over. It was a very upsetting day, but I was very excited that I only had "Seven days" until I moved. (See? Another one!)


Friday was another day where I was a hot mess. I worked until 2 and went up to the dance studio where it was my last day there. I performed two pieces and I had a really hard time getting through one of them just because of the emotion of the song, paired with the fact that it was the last time I was going to be dancing for my girls. When it was time for me to leave there were a lot of tears. I pretty much cried the entire way home (which is roughly an hour). My friends who weren't going to be able to make my party on Saturday took me out for a night of drinking and karaoke. For those of you who know me, I am not the best singer in the world. I've heard worse, but, I'm not great by any means. They were having a contest that night and I wanted to enter because I could and it would be fun. Mind you, I was out with other theatre people and one of them gives voice lessons for a living and we all thought she had this in the bag. Wrong!! Once we found out the winner was going to be chosen by applause and not by talent, I thought I had a chance because I know how to work a room. I chose "Bohemian Rhapsody" because what other song gets people going than that one? Yeah...I know...So, I go up there and did my thing. I mean I sang the guitar solos and everything. I got the whole place involved and it was epic. My friend who does the voice lessons sang something from Martina McBride. She did a phenomenal job because she's a phenomenal singer, but, I won anyway. I did get a gift card to the bar, but, since I'm moving I'm not going to use it, I gave it to one of my closest friends. I did, however, take away some major bragging rights!! It was pretty sweet.

Saturday was my last day at Snap and my going away party. It was really bittersweet being at work. I was happy to be done, but sad to be leaving at the same time. I really do like that place. The people there are awesome and I got paid to really do nothing. It was one of the best jobs I've ever had. Later on that evening I had my party. I was expecting about 16 people. Only 8 showed up, which is fine. The 8 that did show up are fun people. I have never been that tanked in my entire life. From what I remember, it was a great time!


Sunday was a family day. My mom, Nick, and I went up to my grandparent's cottage and just hung out. We went swimming and relaxed. A lot of my other family members knew we were going to be up there, so a lot of them showed up to see me before I left. It was a really nice surprise and I was so happy I got to see so many people I love! It was a good day.


Today was probably the hardest out of them all. This morning I had to deal with a ton of nonsense because I had to get stuff out of my ex-husband's house, but I won't get into it because, again, I'm minding my karma because of this massive road trip I have ahead of me. Mama doesn't need any bad juju right now. Since I'm a pushover, I wound up scheduling one last session with my autistic client. That was really difficult. He kept saying he wished he would've brought something to me so I could remember him. I told him I'll always remember him. I didn't need anything. I then promised to send him postcards. I cried again as I was leaving. I also went by the theatre so I could say goodbye to everybody over there. This was probably the hardest thing I've had to do so far. I've known most of these people since I was little. A couple of them were my dance teachers from the time I started dancing at 4 until I graduated high school. One of them I've been dancing with forever and shared dance teacher frustrations with and we've been close for so long. I'm really going to miss them. Facebook makes it easy for me to stay in touch with them, but it isn't the same as seeing them face to face.

Tonight is my last night at this apartment with Nick. He's done so much for me in the last few months that I couldn't possibly even think of how to begin to thank him. Throughout my divorce he was there to listen when I needed to vent, kicked me in the ass when I needed it, and has helped me pick myself up and dust myself off. He's been a major support system for me. He didn't have to let me come and stay with him. For this, I'll always be grateful and love him very dearly. I can't wait for him to move out with me so I can return the favor. He's one of the very few people I know that will always be there for me no matter what and that is something to definitely smile about!


Tomorrow will be even crazier with packing my car, closing out my bank account, saying even more last minute goodbyes, and spending time with my family. It's going to be a very emotional day for me, so I have no idea what's going to happen!


This will probably be my last blog until I get out there and get the internet, so, enjoy!

Imperium Sine Fine

Ladies and gentleman, I feel very saddened but honored that I have been asked (by nobody in particular) to give this eulogy. I think this is the way it would have wanted it. Star Wars Guy Richard Simmon's Afro, you were a good fro. You shaded Star Wars Guy's scalp when it was sunny. You held in heat to warm him in the winter. You did everything a good afro could do. You will be missed. I will miss the way you were thinning in the back, but you still held strong. I will miss how you managed to be so curly, yet look so masculine. You were the best fro that has ever stepped foot in the gym. Rest in peace, soft and downy Richard Simmons afro. You are in a better place now.