My life

I'm not sure if anybody even reads this, but, I haven't blogged in a while, so, I figured I'd write a little something. It helps me to get my crazy thoughts out, so, at least it might be amusing anyway...I haven't even really organized any thoughts, so, we'll see where this goes!

My divorce was finalized on the 21st. I am now a free woman and can do whatever I want (well, within legal limits). It's a liberating feeling, but at the same time it's overwhelming because I have to completely adapt to being single and doing things for myself instead of for a husband. I have my moments where I'm not OK with it, but it needed to happen and I know I'll be better off in the long run.

My mind is going in two different directions all the time and it's getting a little dizzying. On one hand my confidence is through the roof because I've been getting hit on non-stop for the last week, yet I feel completely undesirable because the person I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with doesn't want me at all. I feel like I'm finally headed in the right direction in my life, but I feel completely lost at the same time. I feel completely over the fact that I'm divorced because life has to go on, but I still feel a little broken. I'll never be the same person I used to be. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, I'm just saying it's almost a grieving process I'm going through to say goodbye to that former self. I'm coming out of this a more wise person, so I suppose I should be thankful for that. I know exactly what I'm willing to put up with and things I'm willing to let slide. I know for a fact that I will never put up with emotional abuse ever again. I didn't see it at the time, but, I know what to look out for and it's never happening again.


It's my turn to be selfish and put myself first for a change. I have a clean slate and I'm taking full advantage of it. I have a chance to be exactly who I am and everybody can either love it or hate it, I really don't care. I'm not saying "It's all about me now *sassy finger snap*", but, I'm going to continue to do what I do and not care about what people think. I'm going to continue to choreograph pieces that people consider "odd", but that's my dance language. It's different, get over it. I'm going to do my stand-up and if you don't think it's funny, suck my balls. Don't care. I'm going to do burlesque and no one finds me sexy, I'm still doing it. I'm doing things for myself and not giving two shits.


I've completely surrounded myself with positive people. I've had the best support system and I couldn't thank them enough. They know who they are, so, thank you. I love you all and I really don't know if I could have gotten through this without any of you. You've lent me shoulders to cry on, willing ears to listen to me ramble and rant, open arms when all I needed was a hug, and helpful hands to help me up and get back on my feet. I don't have the words to to begin to express my gratitude. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. (Yeah, I'm fully aware how cheesy that is, so, suck it.)


This whole divorce thing has been the craziest emotional roller coaster I have ever been on and I hope I never have to ride it again. I've laughed hysterically, cried hysterically, felt lonely, loved, angry, content, peaceful, depressed, and pretty much every emotion you could even think of. It's the hardest thing I think I'll ever have to deal with. I'm glad the actual divorce part is done, so now my healing can take place and I can get on with my life.