As Promised

Here is the blog that I had promised to write about. My day on Saturday was...interesting, to say the least. It involves ex-felons, other dudes, and public urination. Intrigued? Keep reading.


It started out to be a completely normal day. I got up, ate, put my make up on and went to teach my cardio class before my shift starts. Only one person showed up to my class. She wanted a quick ab workout and then she was going to run. So, I give her what she wants and I decide to go to my mom's house because she lives a minute away and I had 40 minutes until my shift started. I didn't feel like sitting around doing nothing. I go there, get some coffee, and my mom tells me she's coming in today to reactivate her account. Fine. Make me have to work...I go back to work and get everything going. Luckily the dryer was fixed so I didn't have to go back to the laundrymat and run into the possibility of seeing Toothless Joe. Eventually, my mom comes in and I get her account reactivated and she heads on over to an elliptical. Then they came in...Two guys walk in and one of them says the other guy wants to work out so he needs to sign a guest waiver. The guy who is already a member will be known as Sideways Hat, and his friend who was trying really, really hard to be "gangsta" shall be known as Skinny Dude. I get out the paperwork for Skinny Dude and I thought I'd make polite conversation and say "I like your tattoos." Harmless, right? He then looks at mine and says "I really like this one" and proceeds to stroke my Marilyn portrait. Did I say you could touch me? No...Then he says "I really like that kind of style. Kind of like a Suicide Girl. Are you a Suicide Girl?" I responded with "No. I work around children, so, that wouldn't be good." Then he touched my tattoo again and said something and then called me "sweetie" and walked away. I don't know what is going on exactly, but I've had many people coming up to me and randomly touching my tattoos. I think there's something in the water...(Keep in mind my mom is on an elliptical this whole time.) I'm going about my business while these two guys are working out. After a few minutes Sideways Hat approaches me and asks me how I got my job. I explained that I'm a personal trainer. He looks at the corkboard with my picture and the two other trainers on there and he asked me if I was either married to the owner or to one of the trainers. What a weird question, I thought. Finally my mom comes over to the desk and sits there and talks to me as I began to fold towels. Sideways Hat is trying to get something out of the vending machine and he says it ate some change, so I get the key and open it to see what the problem is. I fix said problem and I turned to give him some change and he says "Damn, you look good in them black pants." All I could say was "Thank you?" and I walked back to the desk to continue folding. My mom is laughing because she heard this and says "It's your fault for wearing those." Thanks, mom. After she had left I was still folding and I could hear those two guys talking to one of the other members asking him how they can get muscles like him. He asked them how much they currently weigh, so they walked over to the scale and they both weighed themselves. Then I heard "I've lost 4 lbs since I got out." come out of Skinny Dude's mouth. That really can only mean one thing, but I don't judge. Whatever. Then Jeff (the member who they were getting advice from) had heard that as well and asked what he was in for and he said "Criminal sexual misconduct" like it was nothing. "Oh, good" I thought. Then, both of them came up to me and this was basically the exchange:

Sideways Hat: "I bet you get all the guys coming up to you and telling you you look so good in them black pants."
Me: "No."
Skinny Dude: "Do you work here all the time?"
Me: "Only on the days that I'm scheduled, so, no."
Sideways Hat: "Can we come back later?"
Me: "Um...We're open 24/7, so, yes."
Skinny Dude: "Can we come in while you're working?"
Me: "I can't tell you what to do."

Then they left. I felt the need to either bathe or never go back to work. Ever. The rest of the day, I kept getting hit on by random men that I see in there all the time. Then I remembered that we were going to be having a full moon soon, so I figured that's what it had to be and left it at that. I also decided after that day that I'm going to find the baggiest pair of sweatpants and just wear those all the time. I've officially sworn off yoga pants.


Later on that night, I had to go to my mom's office to print out an application to an apartment complex because the one that I had fell through. There was a jazz festival in the downtown area, so there were a ton of people around. While my mom and I were walking to my car, I go to the driver's side and there's a young girl there, squatting, and urinating. She looks at me and starts laughing. First of all, I don't want you to look at me while you're squatting by my car. I sigh heavily and say "You know there was probably a bathroom in the bar, right?" I was really stressed out and frustrated, so I admit I was being rude when I shouldn't have been. She continues to laugh. She was squatting there for quite a while. My mom and I were looking at each other like "Ummmm....gross." If you've ever seen "Austin Powers", that's the kind of length of time I'm talking about here. This chick took forever!!! I finally decided to just climb into the driver's seat from the passenger side because I wasn't about to walk through this girl's ever increasing pool of urine.


So, that was my day, how was yours?