Brother, can you spare a tooth?

Yesterday the dryer at the gym decided it didn't want to work anymore. I dreaded the phone call to my boss because he'd probably think it was my fault. He's under the impression I'm stupid. Whatever. Anyway, I call him and he tells me to go down to the laundrymat that's in the same complex. I sighed and put all the wet towels in a garbage bag and headed outside where it's hotter than a crotch. I've never stepped foot in one of these places before so I'm overwhelmed by the people, sights, and smells of this place. I'm pretty sure they've never swept the floor since the place opened. The people were....interesting (I don't want to say anything mean. I'm trying to keep a very good eye on my karma right now, so I'm going to put a Karma Cap on this whole blog). It also smelled like something died and nobody bothered to find out what or who it was. If anybody has any missing relatives, I'd check there...I go about my business and dry the towels and head back into work, praying to anything holy that I wouldn't have to return the next day.

But I did. Today was different. I was there during the day, so it was an entirely different set of people. There was a young couple, a few shady looking old people, and someone I nicknamed Toothless Joe. He basically looked like a bowling ball on toothpicks, at least from the neck down. He was wearing black jeans, a black tshirt that probably hadn't been washed since 1986, suspenders that looked like rulers (I'm not making this up), and a baseball cap. He was making his rounds and talking to all of the people in there. I kept thinking "Please don't talk to me....Please don't talk to me.....PLEASE DON'T TALK TO ME!!!!" The cries getting more and more desperate the closer he got to my vicinity. The closer he got I also got a better look at him. He only had one tooth. I couldn't tell if it was on the bottom or top jaw because this seriously was one big ass tooth. "Good for that tooth. It's a trooper," I thought, hoping he wasn't going to get any closer. Then it came, I made the mistake of looking up and we made eye contact. Crap...He smiled, I still can't tell where the hell that tooth is rooted, and he said "How do you know it's time to do your laundry?" I was taken aback by his comment and I said "What?" I wasn't sure if it was a rhetorical question or if he was seriously asking me. He repeated himself and then said "If you throw 'em against a wall, they'll stick." I smiled politely and was pretty sure that it wasn't meant to be a joke, but advice. He then continued to tell me some weird racist jokes which I wasn't listening to because I was getting creeped out and was desperately looking for an employee or something, but, to no avail. Apparently nobody works there...Anyway, for his finale he said "How is a BBQed chicken and a suntan the same?" I said "How?" He replied "The white parts are the best." Then he walked away and I felt the need to bathe. Still do, in fact. He then proceeded to the young couple and started to tell them jokes. They retorted with horrible racist jokes of their own. Then the timer went off on the dryer and I had no idea I could stuff towels into a bag that fast. I walked out of there, smiling, because I knew I'd never have to go back and see Toothless Joe.